We're Disconneted

村上春樹的《1Q84》裏的一句話讓我感覺很有共鳴— “不說明就不懂的事，也就是，怎麽説明都不會懂的事。” 日子裏越來越多的解釋正在慢慢地腐蝕這一切，我們凝視著緣分用力地讓緣分是緣分，我們怎麽會不知道關於過客的事呢。

後來如夢一場，我也不知道是怎麽了，也得不到個所以然。我們日行漸遠，但是卻遠得已經快看不見你的眼神。不管我多麽認真地想要看著你，卻仿佛再也看不進你的瞳孔，看不穿你的心思。我都不知道該說什麽好了，看著你的眼睛發亮說著日復一日同樣的話題，我的反應其實早已經用完了。拖著你的腳步，步伐越來越重；既然已無心，不捨依依也不過變成了包袱而已。那又何必？

改變應該會是好的，所以此刻如此騷動。We're disconnected。

那·空白

一组组、一句句、一行行，在我的脑海里漂浮；
一区区、一题题、一横横，像蚂蚁排列在眼前；

刹那间，不知道该如何将那些漂浮的字句安置在属于它的位子。
突然回想，为何那时一片空白；
再想，倘若这只是我今天未醒的噩梦；
更想，如果一切可以再重来。

我视乎，多想了。
我想。


                        

sweet concerns and warm stories

Thanks for all your concerns and kind words, I'm feeling better now....
I didn't know that many of you were aware about this, thats why I'm surprised when you asking about it.
.... with your warm concerns when I'm depressed....

It was a great comfort for me, appreciate it.
Thanks for the stories, maybe I really need a shoulder to lean on;
Thanks for the suggestion of McD sundae cone, it'll be effective if I can have them in hand;
Thanks for the kind words, because I really needed someone to talk to;

.... and you were there..
Thank you :')

      

Dead meat Promise

" I promises I'd stay. 

You promised Abah (father) that you'd never hurt me. 

And Jason promised that he'd never leave me.

 It's modern times, sayang (dear). "

Orked said this to his husband in movie Gubra when she found his husband is actually having affair with some other woman. In the end, she didn't kept her promise to stay because as she said, this is a modern times. Though is not about relationship for my situation, however, is the matter of the "promise". Her words can't describe even better how my feeling today, I'm felt gloomy, promise is that fragile and weak for the people nowadays, the people that I care....

My friend told me that I easily get infuriate and I never realize until he told me so. Well, I've to admit that what he said might be true, I know myself is an impatient person. Whether or no, what happened today really pissed me off though I'm trying not to show on my face, I didn't want to mess up the situation when thing is work in a rush right now. If someone could tell me, is the issue itself has already goes too far or am I easily get infuriate now? Sigh.

I felt extremely cold sitting at the open air of cafe when the rain was so heavy and the wind chill so much, I never thought to move myself inside because I wish the weather could cold me down and calm my soul.... Perhaps it really works, albeit it sound like dumb dumb to you. Well, at least you don't wish to see me go and punch people, rite? 

Why why why? 

Promise is just another dead meat for you, isnt? 

Or it simply a Noun with empty value? Please don't make any promise, even a little "Ok" when you fail to put into practice because you're letting people heart broken without conscious though you're not intend to do so. 

Stuck in the heavy rain, I read my book and listening to Nancy Sinatra's Bang Bang..... the melody sound extraordinary beautiful and sweet in the raining day. Perhaps the chilly raining day did comforted my heart   =)

Bang Bang..... my baby shot me down

           

眼泪的展览

我今天很难过。
如果眼泪可以收集的话，我要展览那些美丽的泪珠。
眼泪总带着故事，一颗一颗划过脸颊 滴过下巴，
镜子里的女子 为何如此难过？
妈妈可难过 为何美丽的孩子如此悲伤。

眼泪都框在晶莹剔透的玻璃里 叙述着段段故事。
难过的时候会哭；
感动的时候会哭；
受伤的时候会哭；
什么时候 我们一直都在说着伤心的故事？
那些美丽 开心而流下的眼泪呢？

难过的眼泪太多，没有办法再展览了；
我不要了，我忍住了。
在太阳底下，你的那么一句话却让那些眼泪到了极限，
满溢的控制不住。
眼泪说 这些日子累计的难过，心里总该循环了吧？
泪珠不准 已经负荷，“不准再撑了，撑不住了”。
哭过就会好了。

眼泪在水里充满了安全感 它会安慰难过得泪珠，
花洒下的水 看过我的伤，守住了我的秘密；
留下了它的安慰。
冷冷的水流 让我的心寒，只留下空白的思绪，
这样好多了。

想哭的时候 就可以哭，那有多好。。。。

                    

하지만 마음 너무 아팠네

         

恋 Mamak档

台湾知名主持人蔡康永 访谈节目的嘉宾：“当你再踏进 你们曾经去过的地方不会让你勾起从前的回忆吗？”如果有一天，你在小黑箱里看见我的时候（Who Knows)，我会回答说- 满满的。

在书局里翻阅过一本关于“指引”女人如何不再是败犬的书里，也提到说避免在恋爱（或亲密友人）的时候携带另一半到自己生活里 常去的地方或涉入‘自我隐私空间’的环境，日后就算不触景伤情也难免撩起一缕思念。往往独自 在Mamak档等候 Toseh (最近爱点的食物）的时候，风就会开始吹起了路旁大树落下的枯叶,（说真的!）也吹起了我想要深埋 丧尸般的回忆。那些回忆就好象是丧尸那样的活着，只是没有了感情。想不到 Mamak档也可以如此诗情画意吧？我期许以后Mamak档 让我想起的只有Roti Canai 和可爱的Ah Neh。

我们不会笑了；因为嘴角不再挽起；

我们不说话了，因空气扼杀了话语。

我们怎么了？

Toseh 配上Pudina (gravy) ,赞！

如果要为这篇心情 配上一首歌的话，脑海里的旋律会是这样唱着~

“凝固的时间，把明天杀死了。。。

。。可怕的想念还活着。”

　　　

　　　　　　　　　　　

　　　　　　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

Late Tag

I've so much to say,
Sadly..
I don't know what to say and how to say.

Maybe,
More verbal keeps thing even complicated..
Thats why everyone remain silent,
So quiet yet desperate.

If you would, you've did...
Should apologise or be grateful for your insecure?
Moving on,
Shall we?

In the dawn,
The night asked me:
Why do you stop dancing gracefully like twenties?
.... Aint you wanna hav all the time in the world.

Lets bury it,
and I would tag it as memories..
Purple tag or White?
With the deepest condolences, dedicate this song..
It was a song of sorrow; It was a song of celebration.

I would say,
Ever, it was a sparkle of my life.


          

Breakdown

" So much more than meets the eye "
I know, you're more than what I should see you as... 

for Naveen.

finally, you bring the thing to the table....  

" I'm sorry"...

It doesnt mean anything after all...

So close yet so far...

sadly.

anything to say?

I do, you do.

..... Lets keep it for ourselves, is not the right time yet.

will be fine soon,

but not gonna be the same again....

as you wish.

                            ...that word is mean.
 good for us?

perhaps.

what do you think?

I doubt

... you said,

I'm jus another person too...

is hard.

still there?

yea.

Happy enough for that...

so short.

so silent.

... we own the lolipop,

                                             ... just the colours has gone..

someday,

it will expire too.....

   

       

                                                     

有一种失望

“有一种失望，没有眼泪，只像一声低沉的叹息，像一份淡淡的哀愁，甚至还能够带着苦涩的微笑。 譬如说，他答应了你的事没做，他在你想见他的时候没来见你，他在你需要安慰的时候没有张开双臂给你一个温暖的怀抱，他做不到你想他做的事，他又对你撒谎了。如此种种，也不是头一次了，但你还是会失望。然而，你再也不会像头一次那样掉眼泪，再也不会当他的面说出来，只会埋藏在心底最深处，跟自己说：

[唔，他就是这样的啊。]

是不是越是爱一个人，也越容易对他苛求，对他失望？

那么，错的并不是他。”

（ 有一种失望：我爱过所以我活过，张小娴）。

　　　　　　　　　　　　

Deepest Condolences.

Condolences to Mr Luqman & family....
This was a shocking news for me and everyone who know him.

Hardly fall into sleep since yesterday after the phone, my mind was filled with the images of his young daughter.... with a heavy heart, the feeling of unbelievable and blank, you seem like dunno how to shed tears because is More more more than sad, suddenly you forget how to cry.

Cried in the class this morning when i told others about the black tidings and I dunno why am I so sad.... though actually i never met the decedent before. Just like the close one of your fren has passed away, because he is your fren and you deeply hopes he is alrite to hang in there. Especially when u know how romantic they were together & how much the parents loves their only daughter, yea....I knew it through his words all before. Everyone should feel envy....

Though the time we know each other wasnt that long, but was so disturbed to see this mischievous and nice man lost his beloved one without any pre-notification and there is no any foreknow in life. Everything happened was much too fast, it was definitely a sorrow for him.....

He is such a happy and lucky man who jus starting his family life with his beloved woman who goin to accompany him through the rest of the life,  now she has gone.

Left the lonely man and their 2 years old young daughter, I cant help to cry again and again when I think about this again. Chinese new year is around the corner, everyone suppose to be happy and ready to celebrate the day?!  Life is too short for her, when he just about to enjoy and have spend more time together. The happy family should be sweet and warm....

Hopes he would be alrite and hang in there, I know it was pain and it takes time.... .. maybe long time. May his daughter growth up healthy and happily, she is such an adorable girl....

Mr Luqman.....
my deepest condolences to you & beloved Nadirah.
Pls stay strong for you daughter....
I deeply sorry for your loss.

Take care.